June 10, 2012

Having fun but missing Daddy!

We are only 2 weeks into our summer vacation at Nannee and Pappaws and we have already made a ton of memories to carry back to Georgia.

We have hit up all of our favorite places to eat (some of them SEVERAL times) and I am sure we have gained some weight in the process. We have taken advantage of the cooler climate and spent most days playing outside (rare for us to do in GA because of the extreme heat and gnats). Brody has ran around naked enjoying time in the sprinklers and his mini pool on the porch. Pappaw spoiled him by buying him at mini conga (this now makes the kid a one man band; he has a guitar with amp, microphone, keyboard and a drumset). He was a patient shopper while Mom and I did our Goodwill shopping runs even telling us our items were pretty! He was a happy camper when he found his very own treasure; a firetruck.

No telling what the next 2 weeks will hold...I am sure whatever it is will be a blast!

Although we have had a lot of fun and giggles we do miss Daddy and can't wait to see him in two weeks! Brody will have so much to tell him that I hope Mike has hours to spare to listen to it all. We can't wait to hug his neck and give him kisses, too.

June 7, 2012

Nothing left but Memories...

Today a chapter of my life was closed when my parents signed the papers on my grandparents home...171 Brookwood Avenue has now been sold.

I am not really sure why I am taking it so hard because I knew this day would come sooner or later. Once my grandfather passed away there was no reason to keep it in the family because honestly it's just me and my parents. They could have rented the little bungalow but the neighborhood has severely gone downhill and the renters you would get would probably be more trouble than it's worth.

I feel like I grew up more in this house than I did in my parents. I probably spent 6 days a week if not 7 there until I turned 18 and even then I was over there at least 5 days a week. My grandparents were amazing and we made amazing memories in that tiny 2 bedroom home. Every Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Day dinner was served in the dining room. That house was the one thing that never changed in my life; it was a constant reminder of my childhood. Everything had it's place and stayed that way for 33 years. Growing up it was like a museum....You couldn't touch anything!

I have so many wonderful memories that I will cherish until the day I leave this earth. Some of my fondest ones are chasing fireflies around the back yard and catching them in a Mason jar. On hot summer nights we would swing away and listen for the train at Plant 6 come by with it's whistle screaming in the distance. We would sing songs from CCR or funny little songs my Pappaw made up that would make me chuckle. Pappaw had a building attached to his garage and turned part of it into a classroom for me. I would spend hours teaching my imaginary kids while writing on the chalkboard he hung for me. I could go on for days about all of the shenanigans that went on at that house but we don't have time for that.

I can only hope that the new occupants of 171 Brookwood Avenue enjoy it as much as I did. I hope a lifetime of memories are made there and they are as heartwarming and precious as the ones that I will carry with me.

June 5, 2012

Eyes Wide Open...Again

I have never kept it a big secret that I suffer from Depression and Anxiety. I think that honesty is the best policy and if others can learn something from my battles with the demons that haunt me than I am helping someone.

The past year I have been on one hell of a ride when it comes to my mental state and all the medicines that have been tried to get me back to "normal" or the "old me". I can't tell you how many different "cocktails" were tried and all failed miserably. My mental state was spinning out of control and I was being pressed further and further down a deep hole of depression. I was pitiful. I couldn't take care of myself so you can imagine how it was trying to take care of my family...they were taking care of me.

There were months that I went days without a bath and stayed in my PJ's for weeks at a time. I had no appetite and barely ate. I had my safe place on the couch and that is where I stayed glued to for MONTHS. If it weren't for watching Brody during the days and taking him to preschool I would have spent hours underneath the covers in my bed.

Some of you that are my true friends may have noticed that my handmade cards stopped coming, I quit blogging, my craft room is collecting cobwebs and my camera hasn't been used in ages. I didn't even get any good pictures this year during the holidays --- heck, I hardly decorated for the holidays this year.

After a year of basically not living and the medicines not working my family said "enough was enough". The mental health care system in the tiny town I live in isn't great so it was time to make some BIG changes and that meant me coming back home to North Carolina and seek professional help from a better health care system. At first I wasn't too keen on the idea about leaving Georgia for an extended period of time but I also knew life was passing me by and I was missing it. I was missing Brody & Victoria's milestones, I was missing making family memories, I was missing my relationship with my husband, I was missing my relationship with Church and most importantly I was missing ME.

Several changes have already been made medicine wise that has helped a ton and I am sure there will be bumps down the road....nothing is ever easy but it has to be better than the past year. I am just glad that I am enjoying life again. I enjoy seeing the smile on my sons face when I actually have the energy to spend hours playing with him like I should be. I enjoy knowing my husbands relief that this nightmare should be over. I enjoy seeing my parents relief knowing they have their little girl back.

If everything goes as planned I should be able to head back down to the Deep South in several weeks! Sometimes we must make sacrifices to better ourselves even if it takes us away from our loved ones. If anything, this will bring my family closer together once I am back. They have been begging for the "old Jamie" for a year now.

So, there it is folks, I am back and seeing things with renewed eyes (and with a renewed spirit). Thank God.