Making Music

"God is a DJ, Life is a Dancefloor, Love is the Rhythm, You are the Music".

Wow! is all I have got to say with that quote that I ran across earlier this morning. It instantly made me smile because it rang true in my case. For the past several years the music I have been putting out was a sad set of notes. I wasn't the happy, thriving young lady that I once was. My family and I both missed the sweet melodies that once projected from my heart and soul. I was a lost soul just going through the motions of life. I would wake up every day without that "spark" I once had, do just what I had to do in order to survive, take care of my family only to go to sleep and repeat. I was in sad shape and so was my family and our relationship with one another. Our household was a very sad one and anyone that listened carefully could hear that echoing through the four walls of our house and our outwardly appearance. The worst part of the whole thing was that *I* was the one to blame for the "perfect storm" that was brewing. That storm finally came to a head several weeks ago when I could no longer go through the motions...my body was a mere 76 pounds, I was tired mentally & physically and I had hit my rock bottom.

I had a life changing experience two weeks ago that left me renewed, refreshed and ready to start life over again singing a new tune. I was able to take a break from my "real life" to focus solely on myself and my problems without the issues of my every day family life. I was able to get away from my household for 5 LONG days to take time to heal inwardly and outwardly. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who allowed me to remove myself from my family so I could take time for myself....time to fix me so I could fix our family. If that isn't a blessing I don't know what is.

After taking time out of my busy life to concentrate solely on me and my own faults I was able to see that I have been the root of all the chaos in our family. I was unhappy and miserable with myself and the music that I was putting out echoed loudly in the ears of my family and friends.  The only music they heard was a sad melody and that in return made them upset, unstable and on edge. Once again, all the ingredients for the "perfect storm".

I have learned more about myself in the past 2 weeks than I have in my 32 years on this earth. I have learned that I need to ask for help when I need it. I have learned that you can't heal overnight, deep scars and wounds take years to heal. I have learned to start putting myself first and doing that *isn't* selfish; it's what you have to do in order to stay healthy to take care of your family. I have learned your family really does know more than you do when you are at your lowest point in life. I have learned that your actions, sharp tongue and attitude rubs off on your family and in return they start reacting in a negative manner. I have learned that getting professional help isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of strength. I have learned that FAMILY is the most important thing one can have. I have learned that love is unconditional if it's *true love*. I have learned that your children do love you unconditionally...Thank God. I have learned that at the end of the day no matter the riches you possess that you're no better than the homeless. I have learned to be humble and patient. I have learned that church really is good for the soul and that GOD is good....you just have to trust and believe in him. I have learned the power of prayer and that things happen on *his* time....not yours.

Above all, I have learned that the music I project is what my family dances to and for that very reason I am done with sad & angry lyrics....I am ready to dance to something joyful and uplifting. So you better get your dancing shoes ready because I have a lot of goodness to sing about!

xoxo

Love Never Fails

I am on night no. 4 without my husband and I must say that I am missing him terribly. Although, I know that the time away from one another has done our hearts (and mental state) some good it has been difficult to be away from my very best friend for what seems like weeks!

You honestly never know how much a person truly means to you or how much you depend on them until they aren't in your every day life, schedule and/or routine. I guess that is why we easily take one another for granted so easily because we're rarely apart. My husband doesn't know what I do all day until I am gone (and he still doesn't totally grasp it because he hasn't had Brody alone) and I don't see everything he does for me until he's not present. And it's not even physical stuff that I am talking about either (like taking out the trash, laying Brody down to bed, etc.) it's more the emotional level of our relationship that I miss when I am not by his side.

I miss getting my daily kiss on the forehead before he heads out the door to work...granted, I am half asleep and a bit groggy but I know I am supposed to have one every morning. I miss laying in bed with him at night catching up on our DVR'd shows from the week while he is beating my ass at some word game on our phone. I miss holding his hand while I am falling asleep hours after he has passed out in the bed. It's those little things that are really big things when you take the time to reflect and put it all in perspective.

My marriage with Mike means more to me than I will ever be able to write in a blog, express in a card or speak freely about to friends and family. I can't explain the love, admiration and attraction that I have with this man. He keeps me on my toes, he keeps me fired up and spitting nails, he keeps me grounded, he keeps me somewhat sane even though he does question my sanity, he keeps me being "me". I can only explain it in car terms...he's my oil...without oil in a car your engine will cease up and die. Mike is pretty much the person that keeps me held together and without him I really miss him and I am not running as well as I should be.

So enough of my mushy crap...I saw the following two pics and I really loved them and thought I would share. It's definitely what I am after in life...particularly with my better half.

I do love seeing this and I pray for it every night:

Modern Day "I Love Lucy"!

bick·er/ˈbikər/Verb

1. Argue about petty and trivial matters

 Usually my blog is about sweet and random ramblings of my life and I  try not to use this form of therapy to complain or rant but I am sort of at a place where I need to vent. I know I am not the only partner in a marriage going through tough times....nobody has the "perfect" marriage and you will drive yourself insane trying to. Lately it seems that Mike and I "bicker" about everything and it's really so petty that it's stupid and I am about sick of it. I would never leave my husband and vice versa; we love each other passionately but lately we can't seem to get on the same page with things --- it's almost like we are speaking two different languages. We could seriously argue bicker about the way one of us drinks water right now...and believe me, he *hates* how I drink a bottle of water! He thinks that I drink it entirely too fast and tells me it's not good for me? I don't know if there is any truth in that or if it's a pet peeve of his. Either way, we have bickered about it. I look at us and it's like episodes from the "I love Lucy" show! Our bickering is nothing big, just little things here and there. I am Lucy always doing something that Ricky isn't going to like or gets annoyed with. 

               We are the modern day "Lucy & Ricky". 

Arguing and bickering seem to be the same thing according to good 'ol Webster but not in my dictionary. Bickering isn't as intense but I do think it's more aggravating than a full blown argument. With an argument you have a "fight" (non-physical), talk it out and move on. Bickering you go round and round and round for months on end about stupid, petty things that really do NOT matter in the grand scheme of things. However, you waste more time and energy on bickering than you do having a fight/argument. 

I think the root of our bickering is not having the chance to get away with each other for a weekend without the kids, house responsibilities, work, etc....in other words we need a VACATION! Stat. We have not been anywhere together alone since our anniversary last year(Jan 2010) and it's been a long year since that getaway! We had a major move and had other major stressful events happen and we kind of put off our yearly vacation with one another because something "always came up". That is something (if I can help it) that we will never.ever.ever do again! Those two days away are like heaven and it takes you both back to a carefree time where you know why you fell in love in the first place. It's something that couples MUST make time for because your soul, relationship and happiness really does need and depend it. 

My parents used to take several "adult only" vacations a year and I would be left at my grandparents house for a long weekend. I hated it growing up because I felt like I was missing all of the fun. I thought that they were horrible parents for always going away without me and I swore I would never do that to my kids. However, now that I have children of my own I know why the did it and why they needed that time together without me. It just took me a very long time to grasp it but I get it now and I do feel it's a necessity in a marriage.

Mike and I are meant for one another. Nobody could love me as much as he does and I don't think he could find someone that loves him more than I do. I think we are just in this funk because we need some "us" time. We need time to look past "Mommy & Daddy" orders from Brody, the typical teenage stuff we get from Victoria, the daily life in the house...we just need a change of pace and scenery for a couple of days. We have a "date night" once a week but we need a "date vacation" soon. Real soon.

I want to stop bickering with my husband and I know he wants the same. We are better than this, our marriage is better than this and we both deserve it. Life is too short to worry about this crap and fuss over it. We are both completely stubborn and hard headed so one of us always wants to be right and annoys the other one. It's completely S.T.U.P.I.D and ignorant for both of us to do and I am putting my foot down and raising my white flag. I give up!!! I surrender. Please stop the bickering!!!

I do feel better after typing my very personal stuff out there but I know I am not alone. Maybe I am just the one who isn't afraid to show my blog followers that I am a real person with real problems. If I didn't have some type of problem I would be concerned....that's not real life. So, starting tonight I am going to stop bickering over the stupid crap. I am going to try to be more understanding when it comes to my husbands choices and wants with things as I hope he can meet me in the middle and do the same. If not, we will both be seeing a Gastro Doctor for ulcers because we are going to give one another one if we haven't already!!! 

At the end of the day I love my husband. 

Momma's Coming Home...

The day is FINALLY here....My Momma is coming to see me!!! I have not seen my parents since Christmas and I have been missing both of them terribly. We traded in some frequent flyer miles so Mom could make the visit for a couple of days and I couldn't be happier. As many of you know my Pappaw has terminal cancer so someone has to stay with him at all times. Sadly, that means I can only see one of my parents at a time unless we go home (which we are next week * super yay*). Like me, my Daddy is the only child so a lot has been put on his shoulders when it comes to my Pappaw's illness. Luckily, he didn't mind letting Mom come to Georgia for a long weekend to visit. I think she needs the break and a Brody fix quiet honestly. 

I have a lot of fun things planned as long as Mother Nature cooperates! We have had rain here all week and I am so.over.it! I can only take grey skies for so long before it starts making me depressed. It is supposed to start clearing up this afternoon and continue to be beautiful throughout the weekend....however, the weather here changes in a minute so I am not betting on it. Last weekend it was in the 80's and then turned to turbulent weather which has lasted 4 looonnnggggg days. 

I know Mom will be perfectly happy sitting in the house all weekend playing with Brody but for my sanity we will need to get out some. I am hoping that tomorrow we can go eat with Susie and Miss Annelise at "The Cookie Shoppe" because it's the most fabulous food I have ever eaten when it comes to a sandwich shoppe. Momma appreciates small town things like that so I am sure she will enjoy it as much as Susie and I do! I also have to go to Mark's Melon Patch because Daddy wants some more chow-chow and I guess he liked the jar he picked up from there the last time they visited. I am not really sure what else is on the agenda for the weekend but I am sure it will be something fun.

I am also so excited about our bedroom getting painted this weekend!! Finally the ugly Pea Green soup color will be covered with a beautiful shade of aqua/green/teal color. Mike and I had some trouble agreeing on a color but we finally chose something we both liked. This is a new color for both of us so I am hoping it turns out as good as it looks in my mind.

I have not had any time to really blog this week but I got a Cricut bundle from my sweetie. He is so, so, so good to me and I really shouldn't complain about him as much as I do at times. He is so thoughtful and loving and I need to be better about showing my appreciation for it. I truly know I am very blessed and have the perfect partner, husband and best friend. He is my everything and I would be so lost without him. 

I better start getting ready so I can make the 3 hour drive to Atlanta with Brody to get our Nannee! I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! 

(Oh, and honey....I am in love with the darling bird necklace above. Click the link to check out the site on Etsy. Hint Hint!) 

Puppy Love

Ah, puppy love....wasn't that such a great stage in our younger years?? To go back to that type of "love" would be wonderful (in some ways). Those days were were filled with butterflies in your tummy, smiles you couldn't wipe off your face, burning red cheeks and love letters that were straight from the heart. Such an innocent and fun time. I had forgotten about all of that until tonight when we were at Susie's house for dinner and both of our boys seemed to be hit by cupid. 

Brody is in L.O.V.E with Susie's daughter, Annelise! He has had a few "gewlfreends" in his short 2.5 years on earth but something about this one has him wanting more. I mean, I guess if I were a little boy she would be right up there on my "gewlfreend" list too! She is a beautiful blue eyed, blonde haired girl who has a bubbly personality to go along with her precious good looks (and wardrobe - Thanks to Cosco & LaLa). She is super sweet to him and I think he eats that up in all honesty. She holds his hand, tickles him, gives him hugs and practically tells him what to do but he doesn't mind because as long as he's her top priority that is all that matters to my little guy. Luckily, for now it's puppy love but it hurts my heart a tad because I know my baby is growing up and one day that puppy love will turn into the real thing and I can't even begin to think about that. It gives you a sense of losing something so special and dear that it's really a feeling of great loss. I don't think anyone can fully understand what I am talking about until they are a mother of a little boy or a father of a little girl. It is a strong bond that's between the two that nobody can totally grasp or explain....or at least *I* haven't been able to.

Susie's son, Will, is in the same boat as Brody but he is head over heels for Victoria who is 11 years older than he is. He gets all bright eyed and smiley when she is in the room and it's the cutest thing to watch. He acts all tough and macho around her which is comical but not in a "make fun" of him type of way; it's heart warming. Tonight he came to me while I was cleaning up after dinner and handed me a note on a bright green piece of paper. Before reading it I had STRICT instructions to give it to her on Friday morning so I agreed and read his note/love letter. I opened it and honestly I thought I was going to cry because it was too sweet for words....he wrote " I will marry you someday". Seriously?!? How can this little boy have more sweetness in him than most grown men I know!! I swear, I think these young men need to give a class called "Sweetness 101" because they got it down. I am 32 years old and that melted my heart and I wanted to marry the little fellow right then and there in the kitchen! However, I didn't follow the directions Will had given me earlier because we really wanted Susie to keep the darling little note for years down the road. Victoria did read the love letter statement and was flattered.....seriously, how could anyone not be?

Now for my own puppy love -- oh dear. I have been wanting to get Brody his own dog for a while now because he is at a great age where he can appreciate an animal that's his. We are in a large enough house that has a large enough yard for the puppy to play and roam freely. We also happen to have 3 kennels so one is open and readily available for a new addition to the Beemer house. I was browsing the local shelters and ran across the most PRECIOUS puppy ever and fell in love instantly. Her name is Lucy and she's a 6 month old Lab/Rot mix. I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since I found her post online. It breaks my heart to see the picture of her with that cute snout poking through the fence she's been living in the past 2 months. I have expressed my desire to have this puppy to my husband but he's not biting. I honestly don't think he knows how bad this has me torn up inside. I can usually see pictures of these sweet babies that need homes and go on about my day without thinking twice but this little puppy has tugged at my heart strings and isn't letting go. I am really hoping and praying he has a change of heart because I think Lucy could bring a lot of joy in our lives and most importantly Brody's. 

Happy Birthday to my Love

Happy Birthday, Honey!

I love you.

“May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine.”

- Frank Sinatra

Bittersweet Sunday

Today was bittersweet; I met an old friend from high school and I think know I lost a very important piece of jewelry. Let's start with the GREAT news first!


Several months ago a hometown friend, Susie, told me she *might* be moving to the "Deep South" and more importantly....to Albany! I mean, does it get any better?!? Sweet!! 


A week or so ago it was confirmed that Susie and her family would be moving my way in a matter of a month or so. I know for those of you that have never ventured far away from home can't really understand my excitement but it is a huge deal and a big relief. It makes living here a bit easier knowing I have a "piece of home" nearby. I will have someone here that can understand my excitement of hometown events such as the Concord/Kannapolis game, Concord Christmas parade, NASCAR races (that's for my husband) among other things. My husband isn't a Concord native so he can't really even understand or appreciate the whole "Spider Pride" thing *secretly doing my spirit fingers*.


Susie and her her husband came to Albany this past weekend to house hunt so we decided it would be great to have lunch together and catch up. I can't tell you how good it was to see her and know she will be here soon. We also discovered that we have a lot in common! We both love family trips to local festivals, enjoy hanging out at the pool, love dining out and love girl talk over Starbucks. Mike is happy that her husband enjoys football and beer. So it's a win/win situation! 


Now for the bitter part of  my day....as I was getting dressed this morning it occurred to me that my watch was missing. My watch sits in one of two places; my bedside table or my bathroom counter. It wasn't that big of a deal at first because anyone that has or has had a two year old knows that they are constantly hoarding things that don't belong to them. Like any parent I go straight to the "source" and ask where my watch is. Normally this works like a charm because Brody will either point out the location of the item or will bring me what I am looking for.....key word:NORMALLY. However, this time my heart sank when he couldn't even find it. This watch was extra special because it was an anniversary gift from Mike last year and even though the watch itself can be replaced it has sentimental value that can never be replaced. 


Mike, Victoria and I have searched every inch of this 3,000 square foot house including the trash outside in the cans and it's M.I.A. -- not good. The only thing left to do is go back 24 hours to Saturday night.


We ate at a local Mexican place with 8 adults and 7 children....I will say it again....7 kiddos. It was beyond chaotic and once we were seated we questioned our stupidity (at least I did)! What in the world hell were we thinking?!?!? I knew it was going to be bad when:

a.) The waitress didn't speak English or Southern Ringading as my husband calls it. 

b.) Three people ordered wine and they only had enough for 2 glasses.

c.) They forgot to bring Brody's water and instead he had Coca-Cola.

Brody was running around like a kid on crack and refused to sit in his highchair. I can't blame him entirely because I was the one who let him drink the Coke and the other kids were running around so he just wanted in on the fun. When our dinner came out it was time for him to calm down and eat but I must have been the one on crack because that wasn't going to happen. I tried wrestling him into his seat but he won and I think my watch lost. It must have slipped off of my wrist during Round 1 (or 2 or 3). 


Of course, we called the restaurant and it was nowhere to be found. Mike even drove to the establishment and offered a reward. I know I will never see it again and that breaks my heart. I will get another watch eventually but it won't be the same nor will it be for the same meaning. 


Oh well, it is what it is. I don't even know if a lesson can be learned here because it was a freak accident and it's not like you look at your wrist every minute to make sure your watch is still there. I also didn't have one too many margarita's so I wasn't in a "happy hour" state of mind (maybe if I had been the dinner wouldn't have caused my OCD to be off the chain). 


With all of that being said a very important sliver of my heart is ticking away here in Albany but not in my home nor on my wrist. I hope wherever that sliver is that it's being worn with pride and it gives you as much joy as it gave me. 

Pretty, Isn't it?

1.19.11

Happy Anniversary to my wonderful husband, Mike. 

I love you forever & always....

Special kuddos go to:

Nadean Bruehlman @ Gene Ho Photography 

http://www.facebook.com/genehophoto

http://www.geneho.com/