All Systems: Slow Down

Wow, where has this year gone?!?! I feel like time has flown by and now the holidays are fastly approaching us! Next week is Thanksgiving.....eeeeekkk.

This is really a random post because our life has been a whirlwind the past couple of months. I am honestly ready for things to slow down so I can enjoy the holidays and not feel so rushed. However, I don't think that is going to happen.

We started out the month attending my Dad's annual Hospice Charity concert and as usual it was a success and fun was had by all that attended. The music played and the wine poured freely. They raised money for a great cause and people were already signing up for next years even tickets. Can't go wrong with that. I am so proud of my Dad and his band for doing this. Hospice is such an amazing organization and it's something that you can fully appreciate until your family has to use their services. We have had to use them twice and each time I walked away with a new found respect for the nurses and staff that work within the organization. They truly are miracle workers.

We cleaned out Pappaw's house while we were there for the concert and rented a truck to bring back a few items that were left for me. My grandmothers dining room set, a bedroom set and some other miscellaneous things. All reeked of cigarette smoke so we spent most of Saturday bathing the furniture (and ourselves) in Murphy's Oil and Liquid Gold. I smelled like cleaning supplies for two days. We already have the dining room set in  the house and every time I walk in there I smell my Mammaw & Pappaw's "house". It's kind of weird but comforting feeling. I know my Mammaw would be happy that her set will still be used for holiday dinners. I am actually excited about using it this Thanksgiving and Christmas. I had to get the chairs recovered because the fabric was old and smelly so those cushions will be done today and I am looking forward to seeing what they look like when I pick them up :)

This past weekend we went and saw our neighbors children compete in their YMCA soccer tournament. We have the best neighbors and we try to support them and their children. It was a perfect fall day and they did a great job. They won their first game but lost and fell out of the tournament during the second game. They played hard and we enjoyed watching them since we are a soccer family....Vic's soccer conditioning as a FRESHMAN will start in a few short weeks. Say what?!?!??? My kids are growing up entirely too fast....TIME SLOW DOWN, PLEASE!

I have been spending the past few Mondays at Morningside Elementary School tutoring children that come from lower class homes that do not get the support they need at home. Either they come from a broken home, their parents are not able to help them or far worse; their parents aren't around. I have truly enjoyed my Monday mornings with my two little boys Juaneye and Jordan. They light up when they see me walk into the classroom and that makes my day. I was able to volunteer through our church. It's a great mentoring project that helps our community and that is what First United Methodist Church is all about; giving back to the community.

I am SUPER excited about Thursday because I will be attending the Stewart & James holiday show. Kristen and Arre Fuller always have amazing frames and all are unique and one of a kind. They are a little pricey but you know you are getting a one of a kind reclaimed wooden frame. I have several around the house and I always love to add more to my "collection". It's a nice night to get out and have girl time with wine and cheese. It's an event I look forward to every fall.

Well, I will wrap it for now because I have been in my PJ's too long! It's time to get dressed and try to get some things done today!! I do have another recipe to add so be looking for that one to be added to my blog later in the week.

Oh, how I've missed me!

It's been 10 days since my last blog post and I have surely missed venting on here! Things got a little out of whack for the past 10 days but we're back on track and moving back in the fast last. As you know, I take medicine for anxiety and depression and at my last appointment (2 weeks ago) they changed some things around that really didn't help matters and made them worse so I kind of just huddled back into my shell until yesterday.

Two good things happened back to back this week....Mom flew in on Thursday and I had a Doctors appointment on Friday to fix my medicines. WOO HOO!!!!! With that combo how can I not feel like new?!?!? I feel so much better that my meds were the reason I was in a funk and my heart feels happy my Momma is here.

Mom is staying until Tuesday and then I will be going back to Concord with her for 2 weeks to help take care of my Pappaw. My parents have been his sole caregiver for almost a year and they need a break and I have the time so it's the only option. I don't mind, it will give me some time with him while he is still in somewhat a good frame of mind and may give me some closure on the situation as it's probable that I won't be home when he does pass away. It will give him and Brody some time too...they both love each other to pieces.

While Mom has been here Brody has kept her pretty busy. He doesn't leave her side which is cute but draining! He loves his Nannee and she is overly in love with him. It's sweet to watch. We went to the Zoo today so we all could ride the train together. He loved it.

Tomorrow our family is taking a BIG step and becoming official members of our church. Brody, Victoria and myself will be Baptized tomorrow and then it will be official!!!! We will finally be members of FUMC-Albany. I am really excited about it and I think Victoria is too! This is something we all have been wanting over the past several months and it's finally here. Mom is excited to be a witness to all of it so I am happy she is here to watch it....just missing Dad but someone had to stay in Concord with Pappaw.

Well, I will wrap up for now but I am determined not to wait 10 days before my next blog post!

Whirlwind

I can't believe how busy my life has gotten in the past few weeks. Seems like it's a whirlwind spinning out of control at times. I don't know if I am coming or going. Hence why I am doing bullet points again for the blog. I can't seem to put down entire thoughts that flow well in a paragraph form so here is what's happening in the Beemer house:

* Victoria came home yesterday with very good progress reports.....A's and B's so we can't complain too much. She is so busy that we usually only see her before she heads upstairs to bed or if we are graced with her presence at the dinner table.

* Mike is loving being a Dad that can attend football games so we will be going to every.single.home.game until the season is over. Yay, me.

* Brody is on week 2 of Preschool and has already learned parts of the "Pledge of Allegiance" and days of the week. I am super proud of him.

* Momma is coming next Thursday to spend 5 long days with us and I can't wait to see her! I have missed both my parents terribly lately. I wish my Dad was coming too but someone has to stay with my ailing Pappaw.

* Pappaw is still doing okay considering the type of cancer he has. I just pray that he doesn't have to suffer too long with this. I have heard bone cancer is very painful.

* My new anxiety medicine makes me eat like a cow and I have went from 76 pounds to 100 pounds in 2 months. I just put over 30 pairs of jeans up in my closet and had to buy 10 new pair so I would have a fall wardrobe. I am now a size 3 and can't even get a size 0/1 up over my thighs. Go me!

* Church is going awesomely well. We are all enjoying the service and social activities. Vic stays busy in youth and we are so proud of her for that. Hopefully some of his good grace will rub off some of her teen attitude ;)


* I couldn't hold out any longer.....ALL of my Fall decorations are out minus the pumpkins that will be added in the very near future!!!! (No matter what my husband says)

Dimples

This morning I turned the television on and was greeted by Joel Osteen speaking about a golf ball and it's dimples. He was explaining that he read an article about the creation on the golf ball and why it was made with dimples. Most people would think a perfectly round ball would travel further than one with dimples but years of scientific research went into making the golf ball and it's proven that it travels twice as far with the dimples than if it were smooth.

He went on to discuss that we as human beings should have the same outlook on ourselves when it comes to God. He made us with "dimples" for a reason....we may question our dimples and get down on ourselves because we do have flaws but we were made that way. We should view our dimples (imperfections) as something good and not bad because those dimples will make us travel further in life because we are always striving to smooth the ball (making ourselves better).

I struggle deeply with my imperfections and my past imperfections; I feel guilty for my past mistakes and those weigh heavily on my heart. I won't go into detail of those because for one it would take forever and two I have an upcoming blog I have in mind to discuss my biggest dimple.

So, with that being said, I need to keep in mind that I was made this way....imperfections and all. I was his masterpiece, he made me with dimples and I am supposed to learn and grow from them. My dimples were not an accident and I need to learn to accept that and think of it in a positive manner and not a manner of beating myself up over them.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works: my soul knows it very well."  -  Psalm chapter 139 verse 14

Google or Bust

Oh, Google, how I love you so....I think I use Google more than any other application that is available online....even more than my beloved Facebook.

Google is my "Go To" for EVERYTHING; I might I know that I am addicted to it. I mean honestly what can't the site answer?!?!

I thought it could answer everything until I ran across this little blurb above. It hit me right in the gut because it's so true and we rarely stop to think about some things only God can answer; there isn't an "earthly" explanation for it. We can try to use Google for the answer but sometimes there just isn't one or it's not the answer we truly need. It's an answer only "He" can provide.

So, with that weighing heavily on my mind I may stop trying to always find the answer or reason for all of my worries, woes or concerns. I should just leave it up to him anyway; he will shed light on the situation when the time is right. Sometimes I think we don't even need to know the answer immediately; it's his way of letting it "stew" so we can think about things.

"Always believe in God. Because there are some questions that even Google can't answer"

Home.Sweet.Home

This morning I woke up early and decided to use the time for myself and catch up on TV and my computer while enjoying a fresh brewed cup of Kona coffee. As I was catching up on one of my favorite blogs; my dear friend Susie's. She mentioned that her husband made statement that hit me hard...."How are we ever going to live anywhere else?".....wow, that is a bold statement but a realistic one that has haunted my mind as well.

I ADORE  ALBANY (more like LEESBURG), GA.

Did I really just admit that??? I mean, this is the person who was terribly homesick (and still is) months ago and also the person who second guessed moving here. This is the person that cried the minute she walked into the front door, had a panic attack and was sent to the ER for heart palipations the very day we arrived on Doublegate Drive.

However, something has changed my mind and my heart about this quaint little town. Most people that were bred, born and raised here ask the same question "Why in the hell did you move here?".  I can't tell you the number of people I have heard that sentence from....more times than "Oh, you will love it here". I don't think I have ever heard that sentence uttered. Seriously.

Albany is very diverse and it's still very much small town living....although it is very divided it reminds you a bit of Andy Griffith times on occasion. Everyone knows everybody.... and their business. If there is something "shady" going on you will hear about it. People are cordial here and show manners that many large cities are lacking. It almost feels like you stepped back in time....that can be a good and bad thing.

I will be the first to admit that this small town does have it's own share of problems and inconviences. Race is very much a factor here and it seems that the town is still very much stuck in a 1950's "bubble". The phrase that comes to mind is "To each their own". The communities are still divided in a sense but I have never felt any animosity; although I am sure it's there in certain situations.

Living in the "Deep South" also means we are very much a part of the "Bible Belt" so being part of a church is a big thing. I think there is seriously more churches in this town than I can count on my two hands and feet. It's basically a ghost town during worship hours because people are attending a church service somewhere. However, if you ever want to skip church to get your grocery shopping done then that is the best time to do it because you are not part of a huge chaotic crowd....trust me, I have done it and it worked out well....no lines or aggrevation. However, if you are wanting to buy alcohol on that Sunday trip you are out of luck becuase there are no alcohol sales on Sunday in Albany....so you have to plan ahead if your wanting a drink while lounging by the pool or catching up on whatever sporting event is on TV that day.

We also live in what Georgia calls the "Plantation Trace" because there are tons of Plantations in the area. Agriculture is a big deal here and our biggest crops are Peanuts and Pecans. Quail hunting is also another big deal in these parts. We are also the only city in the WORLD to house a World Series MVP, Super Bowl MVP and an Olympic Gold Medalist....so I guess the city is doing something right. We are also the home of Paula Deen (yum!), Buster Posey (Go SF Giants!) and Ray Charles! I can't forget to mention the entire reason we moved here....the Marine Corps! Albany has one of the largest logistcal bases on the East Coast.

As far as educational things in the area we have The Parks at Chehaw (Zoo) and Flint RiverQuarium. There are several other things like the Civic Center, Museum of Art and several theatres of the arts that we haven't had the time to endulge in.....but in due time we will .We also have Albany Panthers which is a SIFL (Southern Indoor Football League) team.  For such a small city there is so much to do and see!

While all of those "perks" are fine and dandy it's not what made me fall in love with this city. My heart is in love with the house and neighborhood we live in. I am happy that our children seem to thrive in this enviroment. Victoria can't be in a better public school system than Lee County and she is so involved in school activities/sports that make her beam with pride. Brody loves his friends he has made in the area and even has a cute Geogia twang that echoes in my ears (ex: Drink =Draannk). I have met some great people whom I am lucky enough to consider really good and dear friends.

There is so much more than I even blogged about that I haven't had a chance to discover yet. I am excited about being here and I am hoping one day my parents can move closer to us because I share the same thought with Susie's husband JB....

"How are we ever going to live anywhere else?"

Making Music

"God is a DJ, Life is a Dancefloor, Love is the Rhythm, You are the Music".

Wow! is all I have got to say with that quote that I ran across earlier this morning. It instantly made me smile because it rang true in my case. For the past several years the music I have been putting out was a sad set of notes. I wasn't the happy, thriving young lady that I once was. My family and I both missed the sweet melodies that once projected from my heart and soul. I was a lost soul just going through the motions of life. I would wake up every day without that "spark" I once had, do just what I had to do in order to survive, take care of my family only to go to sleep and repeat. I was in sad shape and so was my family and our relationship with one another. Our household was a very sad one and anyone that listened carefully could hear that echoing through the four walls of our house and our outwardly appearance. The worst part of the whole thing was that *I* was the one to blame for the "perfect storm" that was brewing. That storm finally came to a head several weeks ago when I could no longer go through the motions...my body was a mere 76 pounds, I was tired mentally & physically and I had hit my rock bottom.

I had a life changing experience two weeks ago that left me renewed, refreshed and ready to start life over again singing a new tune. I was able to take a break from my "real life" to focus solely on myself and my problems without the issues of my every day family life. I was able to get away from my household for 5 LONG days to take time to heal inwardly and outwardly. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who allowed me to remove myself from my family so I could take time for myself....time to fix me so I could fix our family. If that isn't a blessing I don't know what is.

After taking time out of my busy life to concentrate solely on me and my own faults I was able to see that I have been the root of all the chaos in our family. I was unhappy and miserable with myself and the music that I was putting out echoed loudly in the ears of my family and friends.  The only music they heard was a sad melody and that in return made them upset, unstable and on edge. Once again, all the ingredients for the "perfect storm".

I have learned more about myself in the past 2 weeks than I have in my 32 years on this earth. I have learned that I need to ask for help when I need it. I have learned that you can't heal overnight, deep scars and wounds take years to heal. I have learned to start putting myself first and doing that *isn't* selfish; it's what you have to do in order to stay healthy to take care of your family. I have learned your family really does know more than you do when you are at your lowest point in life. I have learned that your actions, sharp tongue and attitude rubs off on your family and in return they start reacting in a negative manner. I have learned that getting professional help isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of strength. I have learned that FAMILY is the most important thing one can have. I have learned that love is unconditional if it's *true love*. I have learned that your children do love you unconditionally...Thank God. I have learned that at the end of the day no matter the riches you possess that you're no better than the homeless. I have learned to be humble and patient. I have learned that church really is good for the soul and that GOD is good....you just have to trust and believe in him. I have learned the power of prayer and that things happen on *his* time....not yours.

Above all, I have learned that the music I project is what my family dances to and for that very reason I am done with sad & angry lyrics....I am ready to dance to something joyful and uplifting. So you better get your dancing shoes ready because I have a lot of goodness to sing about!

xoxo

Interview with God

I ran across this tonight and as I read it I felt the "realness" of the response that God gave to Man. We are all guilty of this and have helped create the monster....what do we need to do in order to correct it? It was just one of those "Makes you go hmmmm." moments this evening...enjoy.

"You've Got Mail"

There was a time where I longed to hear the words "You've Got Mail" from my Gateway Desktop computer. I believe that we all used AOL as our first email accounts when the Internet hit big in the mid to late 90's....you know back when we still used dial up connection and had disks not discs. 


I think technology is a wonderful thing and it's proven to be awesome in my case once we moved away from home. Without Facebook or Email our family would be lost. That is our main form of communication on a daily basis...usually multiple times a day. If my parents don't hear from me once a day through some form of online source they will worry and you can be sure one of them calls to check in with me that evening. 


With that being said I must admit I think we have become too dependent on technology when it comes to communication. What happened to sending a greeting or letter through the good 'ole USPS? Our mailboxes (the ones at the road not on your PC) are overloaded with bills and junk mail but we rarely if ever get a nice greeting from a friend or loved one. Maybe I am old fashioned but every time I see a HANDWRITTEN card from a familiar name in my mailbox I instantly get a smile on my face. 


I am a card sending fool....maybe on the verge of crazy. I enjoy making & mailing cards/notes to my family and friends. There is something about a card that says you took the time to buy or make that person a greeting, hand write a quick hello, put a stamp on it and actually put it in the mail. You took time out of your day (and we all know we are ALL busy) for that person instead of just hitting the enter button on your computer. I completely agree it's faster, more convenient and just plain easy but sometimes I wonder what that says about us as people.


I guess I had this on my mind today because in Bible study we were talking about all of the "things" we have in our life that keep us so busy like technology that we forget what it was like when things were simple. Things that took time and showed effort.....a real effort. Sometimes I don't think we do take the time to do the simple things that mean the most. I know some people aren't "card people" and I totally respect that and I this blog isn't a slam to those who fall in that category. It was just a thought that was in my head and happened to be discussed today at church.


I am and always will be that card person. I like receiving greetings in the mail as do my kids. They can't wait to get to the mailbox to see what's in there from Nannee. Sometimes I just mail things to them so they have something to smile about. The crazy thing is that they really do appreciate it and it's something that makes not only them smile; it makes their heart smile too. 


Which brings me to this question....it's kind of like presents....do you really like the gift bag or does it mean more when it's wrapped. Just something to think about. Anyone can throw a gift in a bag with some tissue paper....wrapping it just seems more personal. 

Mending Me

"Positive minds produce positive lives. Negative minds produce negative lives. Positive thoughts are full of faith and hope. Negative thoughts are always full of fear and doubt." 

 - Joyce Meyer, Battlefield of the Mind

" For as he thinks in his heart, so is he."

Proverbs 23:7

I have thrown myself into Joyce Meyer's book  "Battlefield of the Mind" after several friends and family members suggested it would be a great book for me to read since I have had a tough couple of months struggling with depression. Wow, what a book! It has really open my eyes about the power YOU have over your own thoughts and feelings and how evil does enter your life through avenues you would never consider...like my mind which has consistently been very negative for several long months. This book has been a very pleasant read; it's not too preachy or overbearing and it allow you to understand what she is talking about even when making references to the bible. And we all must admit that there are times you read the bible and are like "What in the hell did that just say?!?".... Just keeping it real people. I am changing some of me but there are some parts that are hanging around because that's just me ;) Take it or leave it. 

I am hoping to have the book finished by next week and I can already tell the difference it has made within me and the way I am starting to look and treat life in general. Even my friends have noticed the change in my attitude so that in itself is the most rewarding for me. 

In less than 24 hours we will be BEACH BOUND!!!! I am so excited about it! I hope I can sleep tonight because I am tired but usually I end up tossing and turning all night before a weekend getaway.  This is the first time we have been somewhere together in over a year so it's loooooonnnnng overdue. It will just be Mike, myself and Brody but we'll still make the best of the situation. Victoria is in Texas visiting her Mom for part of the summer so she's missing out on our little getaway. However, our friends own a condo in Santa Rosa so we can go back again as long as it's available. 

So, the way I look at it...Life is pretty darn good right now. God always knows what you need but sometimes there is a reason why he waits to give it to you. I gotta remember it's all about his timing and not mine! 

I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend! I know we are going to try real hard making and capturing memories <3

Find You

"Be you. Find you. Be happy with that." 

Sounds easier said that done but I am taking that statement and running with it. Today I took the first step and attended church for the first time in years (and I mean YEARS). And you know what....IT FELT AWESOME. I liked being there and I felt comfortable with the whole thing. The contemporary music was right up Mike's alley because I noticed a couple of times he was moving to the music and tapping his foot along to the beat. The best part was walking into the room where the service was held and we were greeted by warm, friendly faces. Not the ones that are checking out your shoes to see if they have red bottoms, your purse is either a COACH or Louis, your watch is a Rolex and your ring is at least 2 carats. You know the type I am referring to....all churches have them and it's a given. It's just something that you deal with and I am happy that I didn't run into that today during my first uplifting visit.


I am not going into great depth over the whole day but it was refreshing. It's worth trying (visiting) again because when you leave the place feeling lighter and a calmness about yourself and current circumstances you can't ask for a better feeling. I do think Mike was feeling the same (if not more) spiritual high that I was and we both found it very refreshing.


I need this. Mike needs this. Our family & Marriage needs this.

We will pursue this awesome opportunity with open minds and hearts. This may be the light at the end of the long tunnel that we have been looking for, for a very long time! I am excited about this new journey and I am praying that it's exactly what we need so our souls can mend and we can grow. 

"Churk"

After YEARS of discussing the possibility of finding a church for our family we decided to attend one tomorrow. This decision actually came sooner than later thanks to our little Brody who has been attending Vacation Bible School (VBS) and has had church on his brain the past week. 


When I picked Brody up from VBS on Wednesday he asked me in the sweetest voice "Mommy, can we go to churk on Sunday". My heart starting fluttering and I honestly thought I was about to shed tears! My heart wanted to burst for joy because how sweet is it that your child asks you about something so BIG?!? 


I will be the first to admit that I am not a very religious person. I never have been. I feel like attending church every single Sunday doesn't make you a better Christian than the person who prays and studies their bible in the 4 walls of their home. I have seen my share of hypocrites and have seen my share of angels who walk the earth. I guess that is why attending church was never a big deal for me because I am a believer and I choose to say my prayers in my own home and deal with religion on my own terms. 


However, times are changing in the Beemer House (and for the better). We want to raise our children in a church where they are given the tools they need to go out in the world as believers and well rounded human beings.  All we can do is provide them with the right path and hope that they stay on it and church is along that path.


Luckily, Victoria has been very vocal about wanting to attend church. She has been involved with Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) at school for the past two years and loves it. They have weekly devotionals before school and she really enjoys attending those. Part of the reason she likes being involved is being around her friends but she really does love learning about the bible. I am so proud of her for that and I even admire it. Never in a million years when I was her age would I have thought FCA was a cool thing to do or hear about. I dreaded church and prayed for the day I didn't have to go any longer. 


I have chosen to try First United Methodist Church this Sunday because I think that their atmosphere would be a great fit for our family. They have both traditional and contemporary services so we'll be trying the contemporary one in the morning. This is also the same church that Brody attends "SkiDo" which is his VBS for the next two months so I think that will help him adjust better. 


Today when we entered the LifeWay store to purchase our Bible (we have never had one together) I was so excited but yet this peaceful feeling came over me while walking through the store. I swear to you, I am not one of those over the top Christians who are excited and openly offering up "Amens or Hallelujah" to everything but it was a weird (in a good way) experience. 


Hopefully tomorrow will turn out as fantastic as I am praying it will be. I think our whole family needs this and I think it will help our dynamic and daily life much better. I still want to take a more laid back approach to religion so my kids want to learn more about it instead of feeling like it's being shoved down their throat. If they decide it's not the thing for them then we will look at another approach. 


I do have a sneaking suspicion that we will like it because the church seems to be very involved in the community and with their youth groups. They take several mission trips over the school breaks and I know Victoria would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to do something like that. They have fun things for Brody to do even though he is a toddler and they even have things that Mike and I can do as a couple. I am really excited and hoping this is an answer to some of our problems. 


With the help from church and Joyce Meyer I should really start to feel better and less depressed...and quit with all of that "stinkn' thinkin" that I have had going on for the past 8 months or so. I am ready to smile again....a REAL smile....the one that makes my eyes smile. 


I will keep you posted on how tomorrows service went!