July 12, 2011
"God is a DJ, Life is a Dancefloor, Love is the Rhythm, You are the Music".
Wow! is all I have got to say with that quote that I ran across earlier this morning. It instantly made me smile because it rang true in my case. For the past several years the music I have been putting out was a sad set of notes. I wasn't the happy, thriving young lady that I once was. My family and I both missed the sweet melodies that once projected from my heart and soul. I was a lost soul just going through the motions of life. I would wake up every day without that "spark" I once had, do just what I had to do in order to survive, take care of my family only to go to sleep and repeat. I was in sad shape and so was my family and our relationship with one another. Our household was a very sad one and anyone that listened carefully could hear that echoing through the four walls of our house and our outwardly appearance. The worst part of the whole thing was that *I* was the one to blame for the "perfect storm" that was brewing. That storm finally came to a head several weeks ago when I could no longer go through the motions...my body was a mere 76 pounds, I was tired mentally & physically and I had hit my rock bottom.
I had a life changing experience two weeks ago that left me renewed, refreshed and ready to start life over again singing a new tune. I was able to take a break from my "real life" to focus solely on myself and my problems without the issues of my every day family life. I was able to get away from my household for 5 LONG days to take time to heal inwardly and outwardly. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who allowed me to remove myself from my family so I could take time for myself....time to fix me so I could fix our family. If that isn't a blessing I don't know what is.
After taking time out of my busy life to concentrate solely on me and my own faults I was able to see that I have been the root of all the chaos in our family. I was unhappy and miserable with myself and the music that I was putting out echoed loudly in the ears of my family and friends. The only music they heard was a sad melody and that in return made them upset, unstable and on edge. Once again, all the ingredients for the "perfect storm".
I have learned more about myself in the past 2 weeks than I have in my 32 years on this earth. I have learned that I need to ask for help when I need it. I have learned that you can't heal overnight, deep scars and wounds take years to heal. I have learned to start putting myself first and doing that *isn't* selfish; it's what you have to do in order to stay healthy to take care of your family. I have learned your family really does know more than you do when you are at your lowest point in life. I have learned that your actions, sharp tongue and attitude rubs off on your family and in return they start reacting in a negative manner. I have learned that getting professional help isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of strength. I have learned that FAMILY is the most important thing one can have. I have learned that love is unconditional if it's *true love*. I have learned that your children do love you unconditionally...Thank God. I have learned that at the end of the day no matter the riches you possess that you're no better than the homeless. I have learned to be humble and patient. I have learned that church really is good for the soul and that GOD is good....you just have to trust and believe in him. I have learned the power of prayer and that things happen on *his* time....not yours.
Above all, I have learned that the music I project is what my family dances to and for that very reason I am done with sad & angry lyrics....I am ready to dance to something joyful and uplifting. So you better get your dancing shoes ready because I have a lot of goodness to sing about!