7 Months of Mental Hell

In July 2011 I was admitted to the psychiatric ward of our local hospital because I was having a terrible time coming off of the drug named Tramadol. My body was addicted to the devil pill and the safest way to detox was in a controlled environment. I was placed in a ward full of all types of mental illnesses (Depression, Bi-Polar, Suicidal, Schizophrenic, Drug addicts detoxing) and I was scared to death. I have never been that far out of my comfort zone in my entire life.

During my 5 day stay at the Hospital I met with the Doctor only twice but walked out of there with a diagnosis that I had never been aware of before. He clinically diagnosed me as being Bi-Polar. You can say "What??" again, I just did. I had never ever showed signs or acted as if I had that disorder and it was a totally shocking experience for myself and my parents. My Mom, who is a psychiatric nurse felt uneasy with the diagnosis because she and I are super close and if anyone would have noticed me having Bi-Polar tendencies then it would have been her. We all knew I suffered from Depression and Anxiety but that wasn't even on the radar with the new Doctor in the hospital. However, we all agreed that we follow Doctor's orders so that's what we did and that meant following his medication regime.

Boy, what a mistake that was....for the past 7 months I have gone through hell and I am slowly coming back from the dark depths of the depression and anxiety. I was placed on meds that stole 7 months of my life even though they were supposed to help. It makes you second guess if your Doctor really knows what is going on with you and your body.     

I finally took a stand at my latest appointment and said I no longer wanted to take the medicine that was supposed to help me with my "Bi-Polar" diagnoses because in all honesty, I am not Bi-Polar. I was diagnosed wrong and I believe my Psychiatrist finally agrees that the wrong diagnosis was made. She agreed to taper me off of the meds so I wouldn't have to go inpatient to come off of them. Thankfully, I have not had any problems coming off of them at home.

My point in this blog is that only YOU know how you truly feel and it's up to YOU to take a stand when you don't feel like something is right. I waited entirely too long to tell my Doctor that I didn't think the diagnosis was right nor the medicine for that matter.

So, I am taking my life back day by day sometimes hour by hour but I will be back to my old self again soon.

Coming out of the Shell

After several weeks of depression and anxiety I can say I am finally coming out of my shell. Dealing with depression and anxiety really sucks. It takes days away from my life that I can't get back. Luckily, my meds seem to be working and paired with lots of prayer, I am doing much better.

The Beemer house is about to get busy again...

Victoria made the JV soccer team so her season is already under way. She has about 2 games a week and practices are on their off days. She also has practices for Band so the Suburban will be very busy! I am hoping we can find a carpool because it's a lot of driving back and forth; not to mention the gas money it takes!

I signed Brody up for Itty Bitty sports through the local YMCA and that starts in March. He will have a 2 week rotation of baseball, soccer, football and basketball. I can't wait to see how he behaves during all of them! It's crazy to even think he is old enough to play a sport....didn't I just give birth to him???

I am also getting a bit anxious about enrolling Brody in a lottery funded Pre-K program in March. Supposedly it's madness and hours spent overnight to get your child in the school. So I guess I will be spending the night in the school parking lot in March. The things you do for your kids!

The Beemer girls had a nice Valentine's day thanks to Mr. Beemer...we had flowers, jewelry and a nice meal yesterday. Victoria got a present from her boyfriend so I think she was over the moon about that. The way to her heart was Hot Tamales and some lotion from B&B works.

Don't let the day suck...

"Don't let the day suck" has become my personal motto for several months now. As some of you know I suffer from anxiety and depression. I was diagnosed with both in early 2011 and have been dealing with the symptoms on a day to day basis....you heard me right, day to day.

Depression and anxiety wasn't something that I thought I would grow up and experience because I was always such the social butterfly and was happy most of the time.

I have learned as you get older things change, you change and there is nothing you can really do about it. I have to learn how to cope with my anxiety and depression symptoms which at times can be very hard and difficult. When I am having a bad day I seclude myself from the world and worry my day away. In my case it's debilitating. It robs me of good days with my family and friends.

Luckily, I do have a Doctor who is trying her best to make every one of my days a good one. With her help and the help of medicine I should be back on track soon. Attending Church has helped some and my parents have helped tremendously. I am fortunate enough to have a very good support system....some don't.

So, this was just my mini therapy session for the day. I will get back to crafting, blogging and all of my other fun stuff very soon. The old Jamie is coming back; it's just taking me a little longer than expected.