February 23, 2012

7 Months of Mental Hell

In July 2011 I was admitted to the psychiatric ward of our local hospital because I was having a terrible time coming off of the drug named Tramadol. My body was addicted to the devil pill and the safest way to detox was in a controlled environment. I was placed in a ward full of all types of mental illnesses (Depression, Bi-Polar, Suicidal, Schizophrenic, Drug addicts detoxing) and I was scared to death. I have never been that far out of my comfort zone in my entire life.

During my 5 day stay at the Hospital I met with the Doctor only twice but walked out of there with a diagnosis that I had never been aware of before. He clinically diagnosed me as being Bi-Polar. You can say "What??" again, I just did. I had never ever showed signs or acted as if I had that disorder and it was a totally shocking experience for myself and my parents. My Mom, who is a psychiatric nurse felt uneasy with the diagnosis because she and I are super close and if anyone would have noticed me having Bi-Polar tendencies then it would have been her. We all knew I suffered from Depression and Anxiety but that wasn't even on the radar with the new Doctor in the hospital. However, we all agreed that we follow Doctor's orders so that's what we did and that meant following his medication regime.

Boy, what a mistake that was....for the past 7 months I have gone through hell and I am slowly coming back from the dark depths of the depression and anxiety. I was placed on meds that stole 7 months of my life even though they were supposed to help. It makes you second guess if your Doctor really knows what is going on with you and your body.     

I finally took a stand at my latest appointment and said I no longer wanted to take the medicine that was supposed to help me with my "Bi-Polar" diagnoses because in all honesty, I am not Bi-Polar. I was diagnosed wrong and I believe my Psychiatrist finally agrees that the wrong diagnosis was made. She agreed to taper me off of the meds so I wouldn't have to go inpatient to come off of them. Thankfully, I have not had any problems coming off of them at home.

My point in this blog is that only YOU know how you truly feel and it's up to YOU to take a stand when you don't feel like something is right. I waited entirely too long to tell my Doctor that I didn't think the diagnosis was right nor the medicine for that matter.

So, I am taking my life back day by day sometimes hour by hour but I will be back to my old self again soon.

1 comment:

  1. Good for you. I can't imagine everything you've been going through, but it's so important for you to feel empowered in your own treatment and care.