January 2, 2014

Goodbye 2013....Hello 2014

There is always something exciting about a "New Year" because it's a time to start a fresh beginning and closing the last chapter on the book of the prior year. I used to get wrapped up in making a long list of resolutions but found myself getting upset when I broke those resolutions. It was actually a very unhealthy process because I would feel guilty which lead me to be depressed because I failed. Human beings don't like to fail at anything...even silly New Year's resolutions. I actually quit making resolutions several years ago but decided this year that I would make "goals" instead. In my mind this is a healthier approach and may be more attainable than "resolutions". Call me crazy but I am rolling with it! These are my "goals" for 2014; things I want to change, accomplish or improve on.

1. Add romance back to my marriage. My husband and I love each other dearly but we have also lost some of the "romance" factor in our relationship. We've been so wrapped up in Brody's illness, Victoria's school life with band and sports, everyday life and just normal stress that we have forgotten to really focus on us and why we're together in the first place. We try to do date nights but even then it's just going through the motions. I want to add back the butterflies and excitement to those date nights. I know that things will never be like they were before life got insanely busy but we can do better. We need to do better. Once the kids grow up and move out it's just going to be us and I don't want to be that old couple that has nothing to say to one another because they've grown into two different people. It's easy to do and that scares me. I want to still be excited when he gets home from work, I want to still look at him and think about how lucky I am he's mine. I don't want us to take each other for granted, I don't want us to just go through the motions. Marriage isn't for the weak and you do have to keep working at it or you lose the spark -- once it's gone it is hard to get back so it's best to not let it burn out in the first place.

2. Get back to Volunteering. I have missed volunteering at the Alzheimer's center and want to get back to that sooner than later. It was something that made me feel good about myself and gave me an outlet from my routine.

3. Visit my parents more often. I really miss my parents and it's harder for them to visit me than it is for me to go to North Carolina. Right now I only see them every 3-4 months but I would like to see them every 2 months. That's only 6 times a year when you think about it's not nearly enough. They are getting older and I need to do better about visiting them.

4. Continue doing my Makeup Vlog on YouTube. I have *really* enjoyed the few videos I have uploaded on YouTube. I love makeup and I enjoy spreading my knowledge of the products that I have tried. When I was younger I worked behind a makeup counter and I loved that industry. I was good at what I did and my love for makeup and beauty products have never faded. Will I be the next YouTube Guru sensation? No. However, I feel like I can help friends and loved ones make good choices with their hard earned money regarding makeup purchases :)

5. Spend more time in my craft room. My husband helped assemble a beautiful craft room for me in my home. It's full of nifty gadgets, papers, ribbons, stamps, glitter, glue....I have a tiny Hobby Lobby in my home. I am very creative and crafty; it's therapeutic to me so I need to get back in that room and dust the cobwebs off of it.

6. Take more pictures. I have natural talent with my Canon camera and I love taking pictures but something happened and I just quit spending time behind the camera. I don't know if it was because I had been going through severe depression and anxiety. It was a great hobby and I was good at it. I want my children to have thousands of photographs to look back on when they are older and I was doing a great job until 2.5 years ago so I need to do better.

7. Be a better housekeeper.  I used to be a clean freak up until the past 3 years. My house isn't nasty per say but it's cluttered and stuff is always laying around. I think once Brody was old enough to just keep trashing the place I eventually gave up. I grew tired of cleaning up every night just for him to destroy it the next day. It was frustrating. I know I am a SAHM and I guess some call that a "duty" but it is a team effort and when your team just gives up you don't want to try anymore either. My husband vacuums and mops but honestly he is SOOOOO good at it and I completely suck at it. I just move the dirt around the floor -- it's crazy but it's the truth. I also think moving into bigger houses over the years it has just become overwhelming. We went from a 900 sqft house to a 2300 sqft house to a 3,000+ sqft house. It's a lot to keep up with and I get overwhelmed easily.

8. Quit sweating the small stuff. I think I have been saying this for years and it never happens but I am still going to try to do better. I really do try not to let the little things in life annoy me but I can't help it. I think I was born that way and maybe it's a character flaw that will never change. I know there are so much bigger and more impending things to worry about instead of dirty dishes in the sink but I can't help it.

9. Make more memories with my kids. I think I am actually pretty good with this but I want to add more to the mix. I try to keep up with our holiday traditions so they will have memories to hold on to and carry on with their own families. I do want to make special memories like more family vacations, family pictures, and family play dates. We were really good at this a while back. We were always scoping out the local festivals, going to zoo's, geo-caching, little trips here and there. We haven't done any of that in a long time but I must say we have narrowed down the dates for a trip to Disney in May so that will be a HUGE memory making event for our family.

10. Try new recipes and throw out the old ones. I love cooking for my family and friends. I feel wonderful in my kitchen whipping up a meal for my family but I've got stuck in cooking the same old stuff. I had done great for several months by adding new recipes to the mix but I have gotten lazy again. I need to venture out some and try new things to keep our meals interesting. I know when my husband stops thanking me after he's done eating that it's time for a change; he is bored with it. This is one role of a SAHM that I take seriously.

11. Take better care of myself. This is something I struggle with every single year. I start off really good in January and by the summer I am losing weight. I know I should exercise but I don't. I know some people really enjoy it but I don't. I like random walks here and there but to do it daily is just not in my DNA. I know that's a very unhealthy habit so you don't have to give me a lecture on it. However, I do know that 85 pounds is not healthy for a 35 year old woman. I need to do better about eating 3 meals a day. I would actually be happy with 2 meals a day at this point. Call it an eating disorder, or whatever but I don't have a desire of food like most. I can take or leave food. I will never turn down a good steak and loaded baked potato but most foods just don't appeal to me.

12. Keep up with my blog. I have been doing better about this lately but I want it to continue. Blogging is like therapy to me. When I blog I can put my thoughts and feelings onto paper and it's an outlet. I always have a lot to say and this is the perfect way for me to do it. Do some people think I share to much? Yes. Do I care? No. Blogging is my right and I can discuss anything I want to. It's a personal thing and if you don't like what I have to say then quit reading it. I do feel so much more healthy mentally when I blog so I want to continue doing so.

13. Attend Church regularly. We have been very bad about this the past year; some of it was our fault and other times Brody's illness made it impossible. I feel better when I go to church but I also find it unhealthy when it feels like a chore. It shouldn't feel like that -- ever. I think religion is such a personal and unique thing and I guess I am still finding myself as far as religion is concerned. I know this will ruffle some feathers but I have a problem when people judge me on whether or not I attend the Sunday service or not. My relationship with God is my OWN -- not yours. It doesn't make me less of a person because I don't attend Church every single Sunday. I pray, I confide in Him and I can do better as far as Church is concerned but it's the place of anyone to disregard me as a human being based on my attendance at Church.

I think I will stop with those because that is a lot to work on! I am sure I could come up with a ton more if I thought about it but those were the ones I had on my mind recently. I hope that I can achieve some if not all these goals in 2014 but I am not going to beat myself up if I don't. If you have made any goals or resolutions I hope that you are able to keep to them or achieve them :)

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