Having fun but missing Daddy!

We are only 2 weeks into our summer vacation at Nannee and Pappaws and we have already made a ton of memories to carry back to Georgia.

We have hit up all of our favorite places to eat (some of them SEVERAL times) and I am sure we have gained some weight in the process. We have taken advantage of the cooler climate and spent most days playing outside (rare for us to do in GA because of the extreme heat and gnats). Brody has ran around naked enjoying time in the sprinklers and his mini pool on the porch. Pappaw spoiled him by buying him at mini conga (this now makes the kid a one man band; he has a guitar with amp, microphone, keyboard and a drumset). He was a patient shopper while Mom and I did our Goodwill shopping runs even telling us our items were pretty! He was a happy camper when he found his very own treasure; a firetruck.

No telling what the next 2 weeks will hold...I am sure whatever it is will be a blast!

Although we have had a lot of fun and giggles we do miss Daddy and can't wait to see him in two weeks! Brody will have so much to tell him that I hope Mike has hours to spare to listen to it all. We can't wait to hug his neck and give him kisses, too.

Nothing left but Memories...

Today a chapter of my life was closed when my parents signed the papers on my grandparents home...171 Brookwood Avenue has now been sold.

I am not really sure why I am taking it so hard because I knew this day would come sooner or later. Once my grandfather passed away there was no reason to keep it in the family because honestly it's just me and my parents. They could have rented the little bungalow but the neighborhood has severely gone downhill and the renters you would get would probably be more trouble than it's worth.

I feel like I grew up more in this house than I did in my parents. I probably spent 6 days a week if not 7 there until I turned 18 and even then I was over there at least 5 days a week. My grandparents were amazing and we made amazing memories in that tiny 2 bedroom home. Every Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Day dinner was served in the dining room. That house was the one thing that never changed in my life; it was a constant reminder of my childhood. Everything had it's place and stayed that way for 33 years. Growing up it was like a museum....You couldn't touch anything!

I have so many wonderful memories that I will cherish until the day I leave this earth. Some of my fondest ones are chasing fireflies around the back yard and catching them in a Mason jar. On hot summer nights we would swing away and listen for the train at Plant 6 come by with it's whistle screaming in the distance. We would sing songs from CCR or funny little songs my Pappaw made up that would make me chuckle. Pappaw had a building attached to his garage and turned part of it into a classroom for me. I would spend hours teaching my imaginary kids while writing on the chalkboard he hung for me. I could go on for days about all of the shenanigans that went on at that house but we don't have time for that.

I can only hope that the new occupants of 171 Brookwood Avenue enjoy it as much as I did. I hope a lifetime of memories are made there and they are as heartwarming and precious as the ones that I will carry with me.

Eyes Wide Open...Again

I have never kept it a big secret that I suffer from Depression and Anxiety. I think that honesty is the best policy and if others can learn something from my battles with the demons that haunt me than I am helping someone.

The past year I have been on one hell of a ride when it comes to my mental state and all the medicines that have been tried to get me back to "normal" or the "old me". I can't tell you how many different "cocktails" were tried and all failed miserably. My mental state was spinning out of control and I was being pressed further and further down a deep hole of depression. I was pitiful. I couldn't take care of myself so you can imagine how it was trying to take care of my family...they were taking care of me.

There were months that I went days without a bath and stayed in my PJ's for weeks at a time. I had no appetite and barely ate. I had my safe place on the couch and that is where I stayed glued to for MONTHS. If it weren't for watching Brody during the days and taking him to preschool I would have spent hours underneath the covers in my bed.

Some of you that are my true friends may have noticed that my handmade cards stopped coming, I quit blogging, my craft room is collecting cobwebs and my camera hasn't been used in ages. I didn't even get any good pictures this year during the holidays --- heck, I hardly decorated for the holidays this year.

After a year of basically not living and the medicines not working my family said "enough was enough". The mental health care system in the tiny town I live in isn't great so it was time to make some BIG changes and that meant me coming back home to North Carolina and seek professional help from a better health care system. At first I wasn't too keen on the idea about leaving Georgia for an extended period of time but I also knew life was passing me by and I was missing it. I was missing Brody & Victoria's milestones, I was missing making family memories, I was missing my relationship with my husband, I was missing my relationship with Church and most importantly I was missing ME.

Several changes have already been made medicine wise that has helped a ton and I am sure there will be bumps down the road....nothing is ever easy but it has to be better than the past year. I am just glad that I am enjoying life again. I enjoy seeing the smile on my sons face when I actually have the energy to spend hours playing with him like I should be. I enjoy knowing my husbands relief that this nightmare should be over. I enjoy seeing my parents relief knowing they have their little girl back.

If everything goes as planned I should be able to head back down to the Deep South in several weeks! Sometimes we must make sacrifices to better ourselves even if it takes us away from our loved ones. If anything, this will bring my family closer together once I am back. They have been begging for the "old Jamie" for a year now.

So, there it is folks, I am back and seeing things with renewed eyes (and with a renewed spirit). Thank God.

7 Months of Mental Hell

In July 2011 I was admitted to the psychiatric ward of our local hospital because I was having a terrible time coming off of the drug named Tramadol. My body was addicted to the devil pill and the safest way to detox was in a controlled environment. I was placed in a ward full of all types of mental illnesses (Depression, Bi-Polar, Suicidal, Schizophrenic, Drug addicts detoxing) and I was scared to death. I have never been that far out of my comfort zone in my entire life.

During my 5 day stay at the Hospital I met with the Doctor only twice but walked out of there with a diagnosis that I had never been aware of before. He clinically diagnosed me as being Bi-Polar. You can say "What??" again, I just did. I had never ever showed signs or acted as if I had that disorder and it was a totally shocking experience for myself and my parents. My Mom, who is a psychiatric nurse felt uneasy with the diagnosis because she and I are super close and if anyone would have noticed me having Bi-Polar tendencies then it would have been her. We all knew I suffered from Depression and Anxiety but that wasn't even on the radar with the new Doctor in the hospital. However, we all agreed that we follow Doctor's orders so that's what we did and that meant following his medication regime.

Boy, what a mistake that was....for the past 7 months I have gone through hell and I am slowly coming back from the dark depths of the depression and anxiety. I was placed on meds that stole 7 months of my life even though they were supposed to help. It makes you second guess if your Doctor really knows what is going on with you and your body.     

I finally took a stand at my latest appointment and said I no longer wanted to take the medicine that was supposed to help me with my "Bi-Polar" diagnoses because in all honesty, I am not Bi-Polar. I was diagnosed wrong and I believe my Psychiatrist finally agrees that the wrong diagnosis was made. She agreed to taper me off of the meds so I wouldn't have to go inpatient to come off of them. Thankfully, I have not had any problems coming off of them at home.

My point in this blog is that only YOU know how you truly feel and it's up to YOU to take a stand when you don't feel like something is right. I waited entirely too long to tell my Doctor that I didn't think the diagnosis was right nor the medicine for that matter.

So, I am taking my life back day by day sometimes hour by hour but I will be back to my old self again soon.

Coming out of the Shell

After several weeks of depression and anxiety I can say I am finally coming out of my shell. Dealing with depression and anxiety really sucks. It takes days away from my life that I can't get back. Luckily, my meds seem to be working and paired with lots of prayer, I am doing much better.

The Beemer house is about to get busy again...

Victoria made the JV soccer team so her season is already under way. She has about 2 games a week and practices are on their off days. She also has practices for Band so the Suburban will be very busy! I am hoping we can find a carpool because it's a lot of driving back and forth; not to mention the gas money it takes!

I signed Brody up for Itty Bitty sports through the local YMCA and that starts in March. He will have a 2 week rotation of baseball, soccer, football and basketball. I can't wait to see how he behaves during all of them! It's crazy to even think he is old enough to play a sport....didn't I just give birth to him???

I am also getting a bit anxious about enrolling Brody in a lottery funded Pre-K program in March. Supposedly it's madness and hours spent overnight to get your child in the school. So I guess I will be spending the night in the school parking lot in March. The things you do for your kids!

The Beemer girls had a nice Valentine's day thanks to Mr. Beemer...we had flowers, jewelry and a nice meal yesterday. Victoria got a present from her boyfriend so I think she was over the moon about that. The way to her heart was Hot Tamales and some lotion from B&B works.

Don't let the day suck...

"Don't let the day suck" has become my personal motto for several months now. As some of you know I suffer from anxiety and depression. I was diagnosed with both in early 2011 and have been dealing with the symptoms on a day to day basis....you heard me right, day to day.

Depression and anxiety wasn't something that I thought I would grow up and experience because I was always such the social butterfly and was happy most of the time.

I have learned as you get older things change, you change and there is nothing you can really do about it. I have to learn how to cope with my anxiety and depression symptoms which at times can be very hard and difficult. When I am having a bad day I seclude myself from the world and worry my day away. In my case it's debilitating. It robs me of good days with my family and friends.

Luckily, I do have a Doctor who is trying her best to make every one of my days a good one. With her help and the help of medicine I should be back on track soon. Attending Church has helped some and my parents have helped tremendously. I am fortunate enough to have a very good support system....some don't.

So, this was just my mini therapy session for the day. I will get back to crafting, blogging and all of my other fun stuff very soon. The old Jamie is coming back; it's just taking me a little longer than expected.

Comfort Food -- Blue Ribbon Chili

There is somthing about eating comfort food on chilly Sunday afternoons that soothes the soul (and your belly), I ran across a great recipe a year or so ago and it's a family favorite so I thought I would share it with you. It's super easy to make and it's ready within an hour....however, I let mine cook all day if I can.

INGREDIANTS
2 pounds of ground beef
1/2 chopped onion
1 teaspoon of black pepper
1/2 teaspoon of garlic salt
2.5 cups of tomato sauce
1 - 8 ounce jar of salsa (hot or mild)
4 tablespoons of chili seasoning
1 - 15 ounce can of light red kidney beans
1 - 15 ounce can of dark red kidney beans

DIRECTIONS
1. In a large saucepan over medium heat, combine the ground beef and onions. Cook until meat is browned. Drain grease and place contents in crock pot.

2. In the crock pot add the black pepper, garlic salt, tomato sauce, salsa, chili seasoning and kidney beans. Mix well and cook on low for at least an hour!

For a great topping to the chili; mix sour cream and shredded cheese in a bowl and put a tablespoon on top of your chili. Enjoy!

She did it again!!!

I got the text this morning that Victoria made the JV Girls Soccer Team at LCHS. I couldn't be more proud of her.

She has spent the last two weeks conditioning and preparing for this moment and it paid off!

She only started playing soccer a few short years ago and has became a really good player. She always doubts herself but as parents we see her potential...and she proves time and time again that she has great potential.

I can't believe she is even old enough to be on a JV team in HIGHSCHOOL! The time has flown by...it seems once they hit 13 everything starts to really go by so fast!  I seriously was just planning Strawberry Shortcake parties for her. Now we're attending highschool events for her. Wow.

I'm trying to take it all in because I know in a short 3 years she will be leaving our nest for college. She even knows where she wants to attend...isn't that crazy?!? We went from talking about what Bratz doll to buy to what college she hopes to get into.

All I can say is that I am one proud Momma of one very special girl!

Tryouts Take 2

Today is the day that all a parents (or at least me) dread....their child trying out for a school team. I turn into a ball of nerves and pace the floors all day hoping and praying for my child to come home with a huge smile saying she made the team.

Today while having coffee with Susie we agreed that it's harder on the parent than the child. Wonder why that is? I guess it's because you never want your child to fail and you never want to see a dream they have crushed. You want them to attain any goal they set for themselves.

Victoria has been conditioning at school for soccer for about 2.5 weeks and today is the start of try-outs for the JV squad at LCHS. My little girl is big enough to play a sport in highschool....say it ain't so! Wow. time. flies.

After saying a prayer and keeping my fingers crossed I hope I have good news to share very soon. They were not told how long tryouts would last so I am hoping it's a quick process and not one that will leave me with no finger nails left or a floor to pace on!

I'm the 1 in 3 Americans

Where have I been lately?!? Back in a black hole that is called depression and anxiety. It has taken several months away from me and I am ready to regain my life back again. I am putting my foot down this time because I am tired of depression taking time away from my life. I am not afraid or ashamed to admit that I suffer from anxiety and depression; it's something I deal with on a daily basis and I know there are millions of people out there that deal with it but may be too ashamed to admit it. I used to be ashamed to admit I had issues with depression and my anxiety some days was too much to deal with. It's a battle that I fight every day but with the help of my Doctor and medicine it can be controlled somewhat. I know that I will still have bad days here and there and on those days it's hard to even get out of the bed but I remind myself that I am blessed with a beautiful life and that helps ease my nerves.

So, the ones of you that have wondered why I dropped off the blog planet....I am still here...just taking some time to get back to me. Blogging is a form of therapy for me so they will continue...it's just taking longer than I expected! But posts will be back shortly, I am feeling a ton better and that's such a refreshing feeling.